Gear Review: Let’s look at boxes!

The chief business of the American people is business.  –attributed to Calvin Coolidge

Google Calendar marks this day as a holiday. I sh** you not. It must be official!

First, there was Black Friday.  The day after Thanksgiving in which we give thanks for credit cards that let us buy large TVs to watch the Real House Wives of Long Island!

Then there came Cyber Monday in which people who #OptOutside and not purchase anything give thanks for their office job in which they can look productive while buying things off Amazon. (Hey, I include myself in that statement most years! 😉 )

Now we have Cyber Week! A whole week of deals for office workers who opted to #OptOutside and can now score deals on knick-knacks, tchotchkes, and whatchamahoosits.

Via Google Image Search

And out of all this purchasing, the UPS, FedEx, and USPS will bring items from near and far.

And then there will be lots of unboxing videos!

The adult and 21st century equivalent of your best friend at school talking about the new video game system he received for his birthday and you don’t have yet.

An odd but popular trend. People discussing gear, doo-dads, and knick-knacks they, too, have not used yet.

But you know what we are missing? A review that is practical, useful, and perhaps helpful.

A review of the boxes from the unboxing videos!

So here is the PMags review of boxes. Just in time for you to re-gift the other crap you bought and no longer need.

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First up, let’s look at the old and reliable MOVING BOXES

From U-Haul

You may have some under your crawl space, in the attic, or still hanging around after you moved from one well-known Colorado town to a well-known Utah town. But I digress.

• PROS: Various quality from light to heavyweight. Available at U-Haul, Home Depot, Lowes, and probably for sale at that storage unit that also doubles as a Mob-owned front for unloading stolen electronics.
• CONS: Even the small boxes are large. And lots of writing on the box so addressing is difficult. Plus you may have to get boxes from a guy named Boris or Vinny at the Mob-owned front for unloading stolen electronics. 

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Don’t like the moving boxes? Heck, if you are like many people, you probably have a ton of Amazon Prime boxes kicking around of various shapes and sizes!

From CNet

If you know your UPS driver on a first name basis, you have a collection of these smiley face boxes. Cheerful looking with cool-blue stickers!  And you can purchase the Amazon based items knowing that you are helping to support some hip #VanLife people! (Not really.)

• PROS: Various sizes, shapes, and construction.
• CONS: You get to face the judgment and ridicule from your neighbors, the UPS driver, and maybe even the family dog seeing you getting yet another box because of the delivery of a giant jar of capers because you are too damn lazy to go to Krogers to pick up the jar yourself!

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OK. So you are a person committed to the social contract. And don’t want to have private business have even more power in our increasingly corporate-dominated environment. (I used Alexa to help proofread this statement!)  Well, then, there are the colorful Priority Mail boxes!

From USPS

• PROS: 
  • Get that long-distance hiker feeling of picking up a package!  Many cottage gear companies use priority mail, so you get to have a thru-hiking experience without actually having to hike if you don’ want. Cool!
  • Patriotic colors!
  • Easy to write on!
• CONS:  
  • Limited sizes.
  • If you prefer the DC universe, sorry! You have to go with the MCU Captain America motif.

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Misc boxes are the ticket if you are a cheap bastard frugal and want to use available boxes!

From Princeton

• PROS: All different shapes, sizes, thickness, and colors!
• CONS:  Could be hard to write on if there is a lot of print. And if you ship or use the wrong box; you could get an all expense paid trip to one of our fine Federal buildings courtesy of the Department of Home Land Security!

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So there you have it. The undoubtedly useful, helpful, and completely credible PMags review of BOXES.

You are welcome!

And you can order boxes from Amazon that will be shipped in boxes. WOAH!